I Am Enough, And So Are You

When I was growing up, I always thought it was selfish or wrong to like myself. I confused being humble with downplaying or depreciating my talents and gifts, and thought it was bragging or conceited if I thought I was good at something. I was constantly telling myself that I sucked, or wasn’t smart enough, or others were way better than me. To me and my grade school friends, being conceited was the worst thing you could be. I wouldn’t even recognize that I was pretty. I was constantly picking myself apart at a young age, and it didn’t get any better as I got older.

This narrative stuck with me through my college years, and through my professional years, up until I started diving into personal development. Everywhere we look we are constantly being told we’re not good enough, whether it’s from the media, a terrible boss/coworker/frenemie/acquaintance, or the mean voice in our head.

It had taken me years to get past this idea of not wanting to be seen as conceited, and to know that I am good enough just as I am. I’ll admit, some days there is a struggle to recognize that little voice trying to wear me down and tell it to fuck off. I have to nip it in the bud right away or it can easily spiral out of control. And let me tell you right now, being proud of who you are, your gifts and your accomplishments is not being conceited, or selfish, or having a big ego!

Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, is one of the first personal development books I read that helped me realize that loving yourself is not selfish or conceited or bad. It’s actually necessary to live a happy and fulfilled life. It will help you in your relationships and business or career. And it can have a huge impact on your mental and physical health.

Now when those inner mean voices rear their heads, I take a minute to reflect and ask myself where they are coming from. Is it because of a desire I have for something that seems really big to achieve? Is it because I’m in a place of growth and about to try something new? Am I getting into comparison and need to remind myself that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be?

I calmly remind myself that I am enough. I am smart enough, good enough, pretty enough, successful enough…. I find 3 things that I love about myself and remind myself over and over until those voices go away.

Share with me 1 thing that you love about yourself in the comments below! And share it with the world! You deserve to be recognized and appreciated for your special talents and gifts, and your “you-ness”.

xo,

Melissa



Top 5 Ways I Got Back To Myself After Baby

It’s been a year since I had Oliver, and I can’t believe how fast time has gone by, and how much has changed. When he was first born, my life was consumed with nursing, changing diapers, trying to get sleep, and getting to know him. Now we’ve settled into our routine, he’s becoming his own little person, and I’m able to focus on myself a little more.

I knew it would be so easy to stay in the mindset of being all about the baby, and I wanted to make sure I didn’t lose myself in the process of taking care of him and being a mama. As an introvert, I need lots of time to myself to recharge and feel sane, and being at home full time with the baby doesn’t leave a lot of time for that. It takes a lot of effort and planning to make sure that I do take care of myself so I feel fresh and nourished to be able to be the best mama I can to my little one (and a great wife to my husband).

Here are the 5 things that helped me get back to myself so I feel taken care of and refreshed.

  1. Exercise- Right before I got pregnant, I was tired of feeling lazy and out of shape, so I joined Orange Theory. A month later I found out I was pregnant! I worked out till I was 5 months pregnant, but it got too hard to do a lot of the exercises so I took a break. When I was 8 weeks post-partum, I started going back to Orange Theory because I missed it, and missed how good my body felt. It was hard getting back into it, but I kept going 2-3 times per week. I can’t tell you how good it’s been for my physical and mental health! And just this past weekend I realized that my pre-pregnancy jeans fit again!

  2. I got my hair back. Post-partum hair loss is for real! My hair had already been thinning before I got pregnant, and it was really devastating to me because I had always had so much hair before. And then 3 months post-partum I started having even more hair loss. Being a new mom, I felt like I didn’t have a lot of time to do my hair and makeup to feel pretty, so having the thick pregnancy hair helped me to still feel somewhat like myself. But having bald spots in my hair was really hard for me. I decided to try something new and I started using a luxury hair care line to get my hair supercharged and healthy. And within a month my hair started growing in like crazy. Having my hair look thicker again really helped me to feel more confident and pretty.

  3. Spent quality time with my husband and friends, with no baby. Most of the time Oliver is my constant companion for meet ups with friends or early family dinners. But having time alone with friends, even if it’s just a quick coffee date, or date nights with my husband is so important. It helps me remember who I am as a woman, a friend, and a partner, and be able to connect better with friends. And time alone with my husband helps us connect as romantic partners, not just parents in for a crazy ride.

  4. I got ready and put time into looking nice, even if it was just a trip to target. It’s so easy to just throw on some leggings and run out the door with no shower because the baby wouldn’t let you have time to get ready. I’ve always made sure I had time for a quick shower, because that is the one thing that makes me feel like a real person. And putting on a cute outfit, and taking a little time to brush my hair and put on foundation helps me feel better about myself and more confident, even if everything else that’s going on feels like a mess.

  5. I spent time with myself. I need lots of alone time to feel sane, so I made sure to take some time to do the things that I loved. I went to the movies by myself (such a treat with the new luxury recliners theaters that serve wine!), went shopping by myself, got my nails done, and even escaping to the bedroom to lose myself in a novel feels amazing.

If you’re a mom, it’s so important to take care of you! You spend so much time taking care of others, that it’s easy to let yourself be taken care of last. But by taking time for self care, alone time, and doing things that make you feel happy will keep you from feeling lost, depressed or depleted.

I’d love for you to share with me in the comments below what has helped you get back to yourself after having a baby. Or share with me one way you can commit to taking better care of yourself.

Xo,

Melissa





Same You, New Attitude

The other night I saw the Rachel Hollis documentary “Made For More”. (If you don’t know who Rachel Hollis is, she’s one of my new favorite inspirational women!). There were so many inspiring nuggets in there, but one that really stuck out for me was her mantra “Same You, New Mood”. So often we think we need to change ourselves to be this “new me”, especially at this time of year. You see it in the headlines all the time, “new year, new you”. Whether it’s dieting, losing weight, changing our look, exercising more, starting a new business or job, making more money, there’s this feeling that who we are isn’t good enough, and we need to become this new person to be happy.

But what if we weren’t always trying to be a “new me”, but embraced who we are now and just changed our mood, or our outlook on ourselves? So instead of the negative self talk, we decided to change our attitude towards ourselves and started saying more loving words to who we are? Or acknowledged all the wonderful things about us, instead of always looking for what you want to change? You can still want to grow or improve. I’m always going to be pursuing personal development, but think of it as adding to who we are rather than becoming a new person.

It can start with making a list of all your good qualities, or reflecting on the past year and the amazing things you’ve done. Or starting a gratitude practice for everything that’s good (and sometimes bad) in your life. Even in difficult times I’ve learned to look back at it as a lesson and find something to be grateful for.

So this is me, same me. A woman who is a new mom, a wife, a creative entrepreneur, an artist, a dreamer. A woman who is in transition in her business, who has big goals but doesn’t always know how to get there, or have the patience to get there. My new mood is I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, and that I can figure anything out even when times get tough, because I always have. 

Same YOU, but what’s your NEW attitude? Leave me a comment below.

xo,

Melissa

What Are You Meant To Do?

When I was in college I loved makeup. I loved the transformative power of it, of making myself feel pretty, confident, or ability to express how I was feeling. I loved looking at the pretty colors and products, and the creativeness of playing with all the colors and textures.

When I was younger I had always used drug store products, or Clinique. But during my junior year I was introduced to the MAC cosmetics counter, and I was hooked. I couldn’t believe all the different colors and finishes, and how you could blend them together and create something totally new. I spent most of my hard earned bank teller money there buying the most outrageous colors to rock on my nights out, and sometimes at work. (There were a few days I decided to wear my brightest greens and blues to shake up my boring bank teller work clothes).

This was also the year I discovered Kevyn Aucoin, my all time favorite makeup artist. (If you don’t know who he is you have to look him up, he was one of the first celebrity makeup artists). My mom bought me his book Making Faces, and it was life changing for me. I had no idea of what you could do with makeup, and how you could transform yourself into the most glamorous version of yourself, or into someone entirely different. I would stare at the gorgeous photos of the women he worked on and try to figure out how I could create it myself. Once for a sorority formal, I used a gorgeous, glowy photo of Gwyneth Paltrow as inspiration for my own look . I didn’t come close to looking like she did in the photo, but I felt beautiful and sophisticated for trying.

After I graduated from college I would still have fun with my makeup while going out at night, but I never really thought about it as a career. I was focused on getting a “good job” with a good salary, benefits, the works. I never thought about what I would enjoy doing, or what I was meant to do. It was all about the “right kind of job.

After 10 years of working in careers and companies that stressed me out, I was done. I was depressed, and so stressed out I couldn’t get out of bed. Seeing a voicemail from my boss gave me such severe anxiety that I often wouldn’t listen to them for a week, or would delete them before listening. I knew I had to leave my career as a pharmaceutical sales rep, but I didn’t know what I could do to pay the bills, feel fulfilled and love what I did. I knew there must be something different out there for me, and that I was meant to do more.

I started to think about what I loved to do when I was a kid, and what I wanted to be. Like many kids, I wanted to be everything, but there were a few things that kept coming up. An artist, giving makeovers by doing makeup and hair, a teacher, or a counselor. I had actually tried teaching and found the long hours, impacted classrooms with no help and low pay not ideal for me. And I had gotten my degree in psychology but was struggling to find a job without a masters degree and the 3000 intern hours that needed to be completed along with it.

And then one day I was at a company meeting in Vegas I found my inspiration. We walked by a fashion photoshoot in progress in the casino. I watched the makeup artist touching up the model and I thought, that’s what I want to do. I spent the next few months researching everything I could to find out how to start a career as a makeup artist, and talking to anyone remotely connected to the industry that could help me.

I enrolled in Cosmetology school to become an esthetician, quit my corporate job after saving up enough to get by for the next couple months, and haven’t looked back since.

Over the last 9 years of being a makeup artist, I’ve grown my business, shifted gears, learned new skills, and it’s evolved into doing something different than I originally set out to do. Every shift I’ve made, lesson I’ve learned, failures and disappointments I’ve had has brought me and my business to where it is now, and on track to where I want it to go. It hasn’t been easy, and there have been many times I’ve thought about getting a regular job again. But I know that following this path of being an artist, an entrepreneur, a creative, and a coach is where I’m supposed to be, and what I’m meant to do.

I share this with you because I know so many women are out there wanting to do something different with their lives, feel more fulfilled, and make a difference in the lives of others.

Is this you? If you’re feeling stuck in a career you hate, uninspired in the work you do, burnt out, or unfulfilled, just know it doesn’t have to be that way. I hope my story will inspire you to dream about what you are meant to do, and maybe take small steps towards making it happen.

You got this, girl! And I’m here to remind you when you forget that you do.

xo,

Melissa



Stop Waiting To Be Perfect

Does wanting to be perfect hold you back from doing the things you want to do?

It has for me. I never considered myself a “perfectionist”. I thought being a perfectionist meant you were extremely type A, organized to a fault, and driven to the point of obsession. I’m definitely not Type A, I can be disorganized and lazy, and I’m driven, but sometimes I let fear take the wheel and keep me from going after my goals. 

But when I started to think about it, I actually am a perfectionist in some ways. I always wanted to be in the top academic classes in school (which I was), I try to excel at everything I do even if I’m not trying to be “the best”, and I have been known to try and portray the image that I have it all together. But my inner perfectionist really comes out when it comes to starting something new. My fear of not being good enough at it, and frustration at the thought of not mastering a new skill right away has actually kept me from following my heart and doing something new. 

3 years ago I wanted to become a photographer. But the thought of having to learn a completely new skill and art, learning how to work a camera, setting up a shoot, editing, was intimidating to me. Not to mention the fear that I might not be any good at it and constantly comparing myself to other photographers I admired.

It took me a year to admit that I wanted to pivot in my career and learn a new skill. And once I got clarity and could admit what I wanted, I decided to take action. I signed up for a workshop to learn photography and just see what happened.

It wasn’t easy. I struggled with learning how to use my new camera. I took photos that weren’t great and didn’t inspire me. But I kept practicing. I became obsessed with learning everything I could about my new art. And I asked for help from mentors. I got better with every shoot and started to feel more and more confident.

It took me a year to build up a portfolio I felt good about, and to feel confident about telling people I was a photographer. Now when I look back, I wonder what took me so long. The fear of not being “perfect” at my art kept me from learning a new skill that I love, and adding a side to my business that brings me so much joy. I’m by no means perfect in my art, but when I look at how far I’ve come in just a year, I feel proud of myself and what I’ve accomplished. I’m excited to grow as an artist and an entrepreneur, and see where my creative business takes me. And I’m grateful that I stopped letting my fear of not being perfect hold me back from doing something I love. 

Where in your life is your fear of being perfect holding you back from trying something new? What steps can you take today to stop letting that fear hold you back? Leave me a comment below.

If you're ready to stop letting your fears hold you back and you want to explore how coaching can help you get clarity around what you want and leave these fears behind, then click HERE to set up a complimentary discovery call with me. Don't let perfectionism keep you from living your dreams!

xo,

Melissa

How Life Coach Training Changed My Life

As a makeup and hair artist, I work with a lot of coaches. I’ve done beauty for hundreds of personal branding shoots for life, business, success, and health coaches. Every time I would work with one of these women, I would be amazed at how much they loved their work, and the positive and inspirational vibe I would get just from being around them. I was intrigued to learn more about coaching, but I wasn’t sure it was for me. I was an artist, and I didn’t see how coaching would fit into my business, or if I would be any good at it.

Then last year, as I was preparing to launch my photography business, my dear friend and client Sarah Jenks told me I should consider going through a coach training program. She felt it would really add to my work as an intimate portrait photographer, and help me work with my clients at a much deeper level. Plus, as you can imagine, being photographed, whether you’re in lingerie or fully clothed, can bring up a lot of shit you have around body image. She told me that having training around working with women through these challenges could be really transformative for them, and for myself as a photographer.

I still had doubts as to whether I wanted to be a coach, and if I would be good at it. But I decided to look into a program and learn more about it. A year prior I had talked to my dear friend Katie DePaola about her company, Inner Glow Circle. At the time I wasn’t ready to even think about becoming a coach, but now that I was open I decided to look into it further.

I felt drawn to Inner Glow Circle, or IGC because they were all about creating sisterhood and a supportive, empowering place where you could not only learn to be a powerful coach, but learn the business structures of creating your dream business. After many, many nights of wondering if I could really do this, I decided to jump in.
 

Going through coach training was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And not because the material was hard to learn, or there was so much work, or I didn’t enjoy it. But because it brought up all of my shit- all the things I had to face about my self doubts, fears, and negative thoughts about myself. And I had to be vulnerable in front of 9 women I had never met before. It seriously scared the shit out of me. 

I wanted to quit after the first month and go back to my ignoring my issues and fears. But Katie and Olivia, my trainer, were so great and supportive when I told them I wanted to quit. They helped me see that it was my fears and resistance to making changes that was making me want to quit. That by sticking with the training, I could address and release these fears, and make the changes I wanted to make in my life, even if I never even became a coach. They helped me realize that I could walk away from the program, but if I never took any big risks to growth and achieving my dreams, how long would it take me to make these dreams happen, if ever?

It had me realize that I had been playing it safe for way too long, and that I was going to have to shake things up if I wanted to make big, lasting changes for the better in my life. So I stayed in the program, and faced my fears of not doing it right, or not being a good coach, or not being able to help people.

And now, I am SO glad that I did, and got my Life Coach Certification in May. (Woo hoo!). Not only am I certified and trained to coach women to be happier, be more confident, and live more fulfilled lives, but I also learned so much about myself along the way. Because, along with all the training and knowledge you get about coaching, one of the benefits of the program is you get free coaching for yourself!

So here’s what I learned and how becoming a coach changed my life:

  1. It made me get clear on what wasn’t working in my life, and how I wanted to feel about myself. I was able to recognize and voice what wasn’t working anymore, and the negative talk that I had been sabotaging myself with.
  2. It helped me get clear on what I really wanted in my life and to dream big, like really big. I knew I wanted to live a life I loved, but I hadn’t really gotten clear on what that looked like. So I got clear with my vision, and dreamed bigger than I had allowed myself before.

  3. It made me trust myself and my intuition more. I learned that I didn’t have to know a script to use on my calls, or memorize all the right questions. I could trust my intuition on what to ask, and how to guide the session, and it would be exactly what my client needed.

  4. It made me realize all the things I was good at, and feel proud to share my gifts with others. I hadn’t ever thought about what I was good at, and admitted all those gifts out loud. Once I sat down and wrote out all of my talents, I realized that I had a lot to offer my clients, and I was gifted at many things.

  5. It helped me feel more confident in myself and have better self esteem. It helped me realize that I know enough, I am enough, and I have enough, just as I am right now.

  6. It gave me a deeper sense of fulfillment and meaning in my work. Instead of my work being about taking pretty photos, it helped me to guide my clients through a transformational experience, one where they walk away feeling beautiful, confident, and in love with themselves.

Going through my coach training really changed my outlook on myself and my life for the better. Even if I had decided I wasn’t going to become a coach, the training, knowledge, skills, support, and sisterhood would have been worth the investment as a way to grow and uplevel in my life.

If you’ve ever thought about becoming a coach, or are a coach and want to deepen your skillset and grow your business, or you want to have deeper tools to use in your corporate job, I invite you to check out Inner Glow Circle. Their Fall training classes start in October.

Plus, if you sign up before August 31 with the code FALLGLOW, you get all these amazing bonuses!

* $600 off the tuition price

* 1 month of early IGC mastermind access (sisterhood, training calls, and mastermind support!)

* 1 on 1 session with Founder and super coach Katie DePaola

* 2 different payment plans to choose from, or $300 off if paid in full.

Also, if you sign up through my link you’ll also get a 1 on 1  coaching session with me! (Just forward me your sign up confirmation and we’ll schedule your session.)

If you’re wanting to make big changes in your life, your career, or your existing business, and coaching is something that intrigues you, then check out Inner Glow Circle. It will seriously change your life.

Xo,

Melissa

P.s. If you have any questions about the program or my experience with it, leave me a comment below and ask your questions! I’m happy to help answer them as best I can.

*I am a proud ambassador of Inner Glow Circle, and I will receive a commission if you sign up through my link, at no extra cost to you. I only support and recommend products and programs that I have experienced first hand and truly believe in.