Like many women, ever since I was young I struggled with feeling pretty or confident in myself. I would often look in the mirror and think of all the things I wanted to change. I would say things to myself like, "when my teeth are straight and perfect, when my thighs aren’t so big, when my boobs are bigger, when my hair is longer, then I’ll be pretty".
But even after the braces came off, my boobs grew, and I was at my thinnest weight, I would find other things to criticize about myself. I was never happy with who I was and what I looked like.
After a LOT of personal work, coaching, and changing the way I view my body, I’m in a better relationship with myself.
But these negative thoughts still enter my mind at times. Sometimes it’s after I see a woman who is super successful in her business and I feel frustrated that I’m not at the level that I want to be. Sometimes it’s when I’m scrolling through Instagram and see these young, gorgeous bloggers who look so fabulous in their photos and I think, I’m not as pretty or as young as her. It’s hard not to compare yourself to others when you’re looking at their pretty, shiny lives on social media. And sometimes the fear creeps in, that I won't be good at my art, or successful in my business.
During these times I remind myself that I’m on my own journey to happiness, and I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Even though I get frustrated that I’m not making the amount of money I used to at my soul sucking corporate job, or that it feels like I’m starting over again in my career as I’m transitioning to photography, I know that this is my path to creating the success and life that I want. Even when times are tough and I feel swallowed up by the darkness, I know the light is coming.
One of the ways I’ve been working through the doubts and negative thoughts about myself and my life was to start a Self Portrait project. It was my way to challenge myself to get comfortable being in front of the camera, and find beauty and peace in photos of me. And it’s also been a way to express my feelings and share a piece of myself.
This self portrait series I’m sharing with you today represents the last 6 months of my life. I wanted to show some of the chaos I’ve felt, and how the dark times that I was feeling stuck in finally gave way to light.
These self portraits are part of my journey and expression, kind of like a visual journal. As I do more, I’ll continue to share with you.
I've been feeling so much more positive about the future, and more confident in myself as an artist and a woman. I feel excited now about where I'm going, and the life I'm creating for myself.
Thank you for witnessing my journey.
I’d love to hear from you now. How do you get rid of negative thoughts and self doubts? And how do you express yourself and your feelings as a way to share your vulnerability with others? Leave me a comment below.